Asleep

My thesis is done.  Apart from browsing for mechanical problems, I'm pretty much finished.  Now all that's left is the online submission process.  I'm hoping this will be painless, but knowing how electronic operations work, I'm not counting on it. 
I feel extremely empty.  I've felt that way for considerable years, but now it's much worse.  My entire body feels like it's asleep.  I'm having a difficult time in accepting this is my last semester here.  I literally only have a few weeks left.  I've been in school for over 20 years straight.  It's been that one piece of my identity that hasn't slipped away from me.  I'm a student.  What else is there for me to be?  With the personal issues I'm cursed with, where do I go from here?  What can I ever do?  After December, I will no longer have the safety of keeping myself hidden away in a darkened apartment.  I don't know what to do, or how I will do it.
It's amazing how incredibly alone one can feel in a room full of people, how incredible alone one can truly feel, deep down into one's bones.  That feeling feels permanently lodged in my heart, soaked deeply into my skin.  That, and panic, terror, and sorrow.  I don't feel like I belong on this planet of ours.  I've always felt as though I was spinning out of control, floating along day by day.  I'm tired of not being able to enjoy life.  I'm tired of feeling like everything around me is a haze-filled hologram.
I have loved school.  It has been my companion for over 20 years.  I have loved my teachers, my friends I've met, and the places I've encountered at school.  USD has been a great home, a great fit, and I'm not willing to shed that yet.  Even here, however, I've struggled to find the study that was right for me, as I know every student does.  It is cruel that at 18, you have to basically make a decision as to what you want to do for the rest of your life.  I have never known.  I have no goals and I have no dreams.  When you hate people as I do, what hope is there? How can terror of humans be overcome? 
It's intriguing how people don't really know who another person is.  People sit back and make judgments about others, and make accusations and generalizations about them, but what's amusing is that those people, nine out of ten times, don't know squat about that person they're judging.  People wear masks all of the time, daily and hourly.  People put on fronts for others. People pretend for others.  People let on that everything is okay. Behind those facades, those people are struggling.  So try not to judge others too quickly.  Everyone is fighting their own personal battle. 
The secretary at my workstudy job asked me if this Thanksgiving was my last Thanksgiving.  It feels like it. 
I'm afraid.